“Mom, How Do You Stay Positive?”

My son asked me a question the other night that seemed to come out of left field: “Mom, how do you stay positive?”

I paused for a moment to think about it.

Here’s what I told him. Much of it is a choice. It’s not always easy, but it starts with looking at a situation, really thinking about it, and pausing before automatically going to the negative.

It's about recognizing a habit that isn't serving you and, little by little, practicing a different one. It’s taking a habit of vice and gradually replacing it with a habit of virtue. And it takes intention, day after day.

I told him that there are certainly times that I have not been positive, but by taking the time to really work on it- I have been able to focus more on being positive.

What I didn’t get into with him (because he needed to get to bed), was about the science and how choosing positive or negative impacts our brain and our body.

Every time we practice a different response, we're giving our brain an opportunity to learn a new pattern.

And that matters for more than just our outlook on life. It can influence how we experience stress, regulate our emotions, and care for our overall well-being.

This past week, our dog needed emergency surgery.

It happened suddenly, and it was nerve-racking. It was one of those situations where your mind can start racing, imagining everything that could go wrong, while your body begins to feel the weight of the stress.

Our dog hadn't been feeling well and was in a lot of pain. We had taken him to the vet, where they found a seroma (a pocket of fluid beneath the skin) and started him on antibiotics and pain medication. A few days later, things took a turn for the worse. He came running over to me, and I noticed blood pouring from the area where the seroma was.

I called the vet, and they told me to bring him in so they could take a look rather than going straight to an emergency vet. I immediately called my husband, who was able to leave work and help. As stressful as the situation was, I found myself noticing a few things I could be grateful for:

None of those things made the situation easy. I was still worried about him, but they reminded me that the stressful parts of a situation are not the only parts of the situation.

Two things can be true at the same time: something can be hard, and there can still be good to recognize within it.

That simple shift helped me navigate the stress without allowing my mind to dwell exclusively on everything that could go wrong.

For a long time, people believed the adult brain was relatively fixed. We now know that isn't true.

Our brains can continue to adapt and change throughout life in response to what we learn, practice, and experience. This ability is called neuroplasticity.

In one well-known study involving researchers at Massachusetts General Hospital and Harvard Medical School, participants completed an eight-week mindfulness-based stress reduction program. Brain scans revealed changes in gray matter concentration in several areas associated with learning, memory, self-awareness, and perspective-taking.¹

Other research has explored the connection between gratitude and brain activity. In one study, people who wrote gratitude letters showed differences in activity in a brain region associated with learning and decision-making when experiencing gratitude, with effects observed at a later follow-up.²

The takeaway isn't that one positive thought magically rewires your brain. It's that what we practice repeatedly can help shape the patterns our brains become more accustomed to using.

Think about it this way: When we repeatedly respond to stress with worry, harsh self-talk, or worst-case-scenario thinking, those responses can become familiar habits. When we practice pausing, looking at the bigger picture, expressing gratitude, and responding with patience, we're practicing a different way of thinking and responding.

This doesn't mean negative thoughts are bad or that we should suppress difficult emotions. Stress, sadness, fear, and frustration are normal parts of being human.

The goal is to learn how to move through them without allowing them to dictate every thought, reaction, or decision. And when we practice skills that help us regulate stress, we may also support our body's ability to move between periods of activation and recovery.

That's an important part of caring for ourselves as a whole person: mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

If you’re thinking, “I’ve tried to change before and it didn’t stick,” this is important to know: researchers at University College London found that forming a new habit took an average of 66 days, not 21, and that missing a day didn’t undo progress. ³ So, if you're working on being more patient, less reactive, more grateful, or more intentional with your thoughts, give yourself some grace and time.

3 Simple Tips to Start Today

1. Take a 3-second pause. When something goes wrong, take one slow breath and ask yourself, “What else is true here?” You’re not ignoring the hard thing. You’re making room for the whole picture.

2. Write down one good thing. Before bed, jot down one thing you’re grateful for, or send a quick thank-you text to someone. Small, consistent, and powerful.

3. Stack one tiny virtue onto something you already do. “While I am in the shower or after I pour my morning coffee, I’ll say one thing I’m thankful for.” Same time, same place, every day. And if you miss a day, simply begin again.

I love that God told us long ago what science is just now confirming. Our minds can be renewed. Transformation doesn’t happen all at once. It happens in the small, quiet choices: the pauses, the thank you, the decision to look for His goodness in a hard week. Each one is a step toward the person He created you to be.

“Do not conform to the pattern of this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” - Romans 12:2

When my son asked me how I stay positive, I don't think my answer was really about positivity at all. It was about intention.

It's about learning to pause before reacting, choosing to look at the full picture, and practicing the kind of person I want to become.

For me, that also means remembering that gratitude doesn't require me to have all the answers. My faith reminds me that even when I can't control a situation, I can still choose how I meet it—with patience, trust, and an open heart.

We can't always choose what happens to us. We won't always feel positive. And some seasons are genuinely hard.

But we can practice how we respond.

Because the goal isn't to pretend life is always easy. It's to learn to recognize the good without denying the hard—and to give ourselves the grace to keep growing along the way.

With faith, science, and wellness,
Liz, The Wellness Nurse 🌿

P.S. Hit reply and tell me: what’s one habit of vice you’d like to turn into a habit of virtue? I read every response.

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